ladies nite....

so just got off a chat with a "friend" on FB n this is what he had to say....

Ravi: come on wednesday to 1 cafe if your free
9:56pm
Louise
well i saw the invite but supporting the free for ladies thing isnt my cup of tea feels old school hahahah
since when r women not able to pay for themselves any more
im sure u guys gonna have a blast
but when u organize a party where its free for men & women i might come
or when everyone is paying no matter the gendersorry
9:58pm
Ravi
i have so many parties all on the housein this party as well ... my friends pay nothing .. just the unknown men have to pay
9:59pm
Louise
why not unknown women?
9:59pm
Ravi
Unknown women are again on the house lol
Women are privilidged
9:59pm
Louise
why
Ravi
who wud like to take men home except gays
10:02pm
Louise
what does that have to do with anything?
10:02pm
Ravi
we are the host
10:02pm
Louise
we as in who?
10:03pm
Ravi
me the club owner
times of india
10:03pm
Louise
and
10:03pm
Ravi
who covers the party
10:03pm
Louise
?
and your plan is what?to get women drunk so you can take them home?cause they wouldnt if they payed themselves?
10:04pm
Ravi
haha come on wednesday is women night everywhere and a party is just pavement to future
10:05pm
Louise
well since when is wedn womens night everywhereand since when does that mean independent women cannot pay for them selves?
10:05pm
Ravi
in Delhi atleast 4-5 places
10:05pm
Louise
ok, well thats delhi and what that means in delhi is prob strictly delhi then
10:06pm
Ravi
well in Mumbai as well at some places
10:06pm
Louise
yeah we re still in india arent we?
10:06pm
Ravi
of course
10:06pm
Louise
im sure u guys gonna have fun
when the first ladies night for INDEPENDENT women is on, count me in
10:07pm
Ravi
sure thing

Ergonomic Alla INDIA

Hmm so the Indian Doc says to cissi, 3 days in bed OOONLY!

The guy for the back problem btw..

( the doc for her throat said AHHH YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH COLD WATER LAST NIGHT?)....no words......

They scan her back n send her home for VERTICAL REST OOONLY...

The result comes and it’s not a slip disc, but a minor thing at the lower discs...

So a call to her chiropractor in Sweden and ACTIVE rest is ordered...listen to yr body, if it hurts sitting, then don’t.

If it hurts standing, then don't..Etc.....


sounds more resonable...anyhow...


the day after the chaos over cissis back problem in the office, the decision is taken to install a standing table for her////(which I’ve asked for since I started 1 year ago.......!() I'm kinda glad I didn’t get it...since this is the Indian version of a COSTUMIZED ERGONOMIC table...

Cheers from INCREDIBLE INDIA

More advices n loads more of frustration today GRRR

So Cissi has a proper spinal/lock/thingie going on with her lower back/spine...
Been to the chiropractor in Sweden twice during her vacation, and the problem gets solved...
Then unfortunately it comes back here in Delhi and she can hardly sit, walk straight etc...
its really bad and desperately I sent her to my orthopedist here in Delhi...which treats me for my heel spur (and just in general fucked up body)...

But what they do doesn’t help and she gets desperate...

We discuss it at work and since NO ONE knows what a chiropractor is here (!!!??) they all look at me scared and miss trusting... (Crazzzzy Louise again)

And they claim that scary bone cracking thing to be very dangerous and something only RURAL Indian HOCUS POCUS doctors do here...
NOOO LOOOUIIIIIISE you will never find a certified chirooo what ever it’s called...no no
Just go back to that doctor of yesterday CIIISSSSIIII...NAA??

So I get pissed off, and maybe got a bit offensive and rude....

OR JUST FRUSTRATED IN INDIA??

I start calling (after numerous attempts of finding a chiropractor in New Delhi on google...without any result) the biggest and supposedly best (!) hospital here MAX.....and the fucking receptionist DOESNT even know what a chiropractor IS!!!??
She asked me to repeat the WORD 3 times and then SPELL it for her...
Then AS ALWAYS

Ok yes we do have those people here (THOSE PEOPLE!!!??? WTF is a doctor for fucks sake...) no problem MA'M, I ll JUST (why add JUST anywhere???) connect you....

No luck and she cannot connect me thru to any of THOSE PEOPLE...

I ask her straight up, DO YOU actually have chiropractors then??
Well yes ma'm, its like like like....ehuummm, physiotherapists ok ma'm...Ill JUST (??) connect you OOONLLYYY...

I hang up.

Anyhow....she is now on her way to MAX to get an x-ray...then hopefully that PEOPLE PERSON whatever, can send her to a place where they might be able to help her...

Mamma mia

Then to the advice of the day:

Cissi also wakes up with a super sore throat, and cant swallow...feels like a big BALL is in her throat.....

Her cook, mister Rajan has an explanation:

Rajan: IT’S OOONLY because you have been drinking too much COLD water madam...

Cissi: grrrrrr

Then down to the car to go see the retarded orthopedist that PUT ICEEEEE (!!!) on her lower back???? mamma mia...

her driver..Manoj..Also quite special little man...

Manoj: Ohh but I have the same madam, you know weather changes (that s the explanation you get for any disease, stomach, and throat anything....weather changes...?) & also cause you ve been drinking too much COLD WATER...yes OOONLY

Cissi: grrrr

Ok bye for now...

GRRRR day in DELHI

More advices in Superstitious india.....

So at lunch today me & cissi (my Swedish babe in the office) sit down and start chatting with 3 Indian colleagues...

Cissi (polite as she is) offers them a tasty bite of her fish (that with love was prepared by little cute Rajan, her cook...)

1 of them accepts to have a little bite, but then stops her self with panic and realizes, THAT she’s GONNA MIX FISH & MILK products (since she has a tiny bowl of yoghurt with her food....)

And YOU SHOULD NEVER ever EAT any Dairy product after FISH!!!!


Me and Cissi (embarrassed that we couldn't stop ourselves...) starts laughing and asks why???


Oh noo, cause YOU know FISH is a HOT food item, and therefore u should NOT drink milk, eat yoghurt etc after or in combination with it!!!


Then we ask BUT HOW? What in the fish/milk product is harming the other one??


Ohhh no THAT I wouldn’t know....


And WHY is it then so dangerous?


Oh well YOU SEE CISSI & LOUISE, because you get that skin disease from doing this...

YES, that skin disease when you get white patches....yes that’s what you get if you do this...


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitiligo


So we ask...But then all of Sweden should have this disease then?

Since we drink milk every day in school for lunch and fish is 1 of the most common dishes in Sweden....???


Ohhh well, maybe its different cause in Sweden it’s so cold...

Yeah that could be it! They all giggle and feel comfy with their little conclusion


I look at Cissi and we feel there is no more to say.


Xo

Looooo

lazy me....

just wanted to inform anyone interested that to follow my little life in pictures go to www.flickr.com/photos/louisewennberg/ lazy as in, i dont upload anything here since i do it on flickr n facebook allllllll the time :)

xo

new advises in superstitious india...

yesterday eating some mango (mango season here now :))) BIIGGUPPP) with colleagues in our quite nasty little kitchen corner, which is called the PANTRY ????

anyhow

so eating some slices, chatting w them...n just before headin back to my little desk it comes!


Colleague: You know louise, you should always drink milk after eating mango.....

Me: what sorry how...why? hmmmm

Colleague: because (without any sign of irony on her face...) mango is a warm fruit, and now it's very warm outside ( in the office its so cold from the A/C that proper cardigan is most a must not to get blue lips...) and the milk balances that...

Me: ?????????????

Colleague: yes, its very good....

Me: .....................ok.............will do that bext time...thnx?????

( the only thing is..the milk they drink is warm, not fresh, not cold, not REAL milk.....how on earth should or can that help anyone???!)

And today another good advise during lunch:

Colleague: And you know oil ( the north indian food is OIIILLLLLLLLY man! disgusting it is actually) is very good for the bones...the sceleton...yes.. ( this after looking at his empty white plate which was still drenched in red masala oil.....)

Me & Cissi (swedish ): NOOO WAYY that cannot be true, HOW AND WHY???

Colleague: my grandfather told me...and yes its good for the bones...yes...

.......................

ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


WHAT TO DOOOO people what to dooooo!!?

adiossssssssss

Communication skillzzzzzz in india....

So my job means a lot of commiunication ( mostly email) & shitloads of patience with indian suppliers....

after 2 yrs of working in the last underdeveloped country in europe for H&M I would say that my patience level is pretty high..( italy BTW LOL)

i remember the meeting with my then to become, colleagues in march last year before coming over to india for the job...where the 1st and as i remember now ONLY question was:

DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF PATIENCE?

i reply happy, YES YES i've lived in italy for 4 yrs, working for H&M there for 2 yrs, NO PROBLEM :)


they looked happy n nodded towards eachother w small content smiles on their faces...

now, after almost a year in india, ITALY should be described as the most developed n simple country in the world....

more bureaucracy, papers, signing n retarded, unnecessary behaviour than india...is impossible to find...

anyhow, just to mail convos from my daily work to helo u to understand.....

Mail 1
Louise mail:

The smpls look nice, pls send acc asap

Supplier reply:

What do you want me to do now?

Mail 2
Louise mail:

I would like you to send 5-10 different hangers of organic cotton jersey qltys for my ref
(in bold red letters as well to avoid any confusion.....(!)

No email reply but hangers come....
..
..
..
IN VISCOSE??????? (!)

as they say:

WHAT TO DO!?


Brgs
Louise

TOILETS in INCREDIBLE INDIA

hmm where to start today...

have some topics to let off my curry smelling chest...

first the most recent one...
TOILETS in INCREDIBLE INDIA

as we all prob immagine arent the cleanest n tidyest ones...most are really nasty to be frank...
had a close-to-death-indian-toilet-experience today...
went to this house today w some colleague...and had to wait ( also very indian) for someone to open the door since the people i went with didnt call in advance to check if this person was in the house...
so we wait ( in 40 degrees heat !!) and we wait n we waaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttt..... i have a smoke ( fake indian camel lights....) n all of a sudden my now pretty messed up stomach gets a life of its own and i know i need to GO very very soon...

& since the person with the key isnt showing up I panic ( proper panic) and to prevent a most embarrassing accident to go down infront of these colleagues ( all indians ) of mine....i start looking for options......
and see across the road some kind of conference hall/church/no one knows actually what kind of a house it is///// and asks if a toilet might be there that i could use..

YES ! ( BIIIIG relief)

i follow this little indian man to the toilets...(or rooms with a whole in the floor...)
i ask in panic PAPER??? he knods his little head from side to side in this most annoying indian way where u dont know if thats a YES or a NO or a MAYBE or I DUNNO...
so i lock myself up in this little room...hoping to find paper somewhere.....

seconds after i realize allready in the process of what i was doing that there is nothing but a bucket & a tap for the water...

then my prayers go to the waterpipes, since most of the times there is no water running...

this is so my first indian-way-of-doing-yr-need-in-the-toilet...n it will hopefully be my last!!!
the whole cleaning part has to be done...ladies & gentlemen..WITH YR OWN HANDS n some dirty ass indian water in a BUCKET!

took me loooong time, sweat n almost tears before exiting that room on shaky legs...

this was the start of my day in delhi today...

next blog will be on communication..or maybe more about patience??


adiossss

equal my ass! 2009 or 1939????

so i decided to go to this swedish spring ball last weekend, which is this kind of arranged parties or get-together kinda thing that i normally refuse to attend......for many different reasons ( another blog for that)...though this time though that i should maybe stop being such a bitterfitta and actually check it out..open my mind a bit and give them a chance LOL

my funny colleague was also coming and some weeks followed of stress about dresses and we heard about the housewifes, ordering dresses, making their hair and nails for the big (!) event...we laughed and made fun of it....but got scared since it seemed to be the nobel party or something....we wernt prepared at all....

anyways

had a funny drink at my place before going there, with typical swedish eurovision song contest music (schlager in swedish) and old 90-ies hits to get in the mood....lol
(this is how swedish people party back home.....meet up at someones house, have one tooooo many drinks listen to silly music and get less nervous...)

so we did that..with swedish snacks ( chips & dip .....nostalgia :))))

get there and we re of course really late ( swedish people arent ever late...6 pm means 6 pm..wich by the way is crazy early to start a party..buh hey..swedish parties start early...) and just in time to get a blue (!!!?) alcohol free (!!!!????) drink and hear some welcome speech from the chairMAN of the swedish chamers of commerce.....(bluelagoon !!??? havent that one died out amongst other weird n nasty drink species??)

after that we move into the hall where dinner and party is about to go down...
i end up havin probably the most boring table of all, where a finnish or swedish big guy after pressure from other tables stands up out of the blue and makes a very loud-mumble-neanderthaly-kinda-scream/boraaallllll about how people should drink up and drink more....(not funny, not crazy,,,, no just pointless and weird...) and our table, all felt a little bit crazy and then they laughed nervously and had one more sip of the vodka schnaps....(the event was sponsored by absolut vodka thnk god! or oh no......considering how swedes drink.....)

people got more and more looooseeee and crazy with the free vodka...and more stupid neanderthaly kinda men made outbursts like the finnish/swede by my table...

only 1 woman stands up to speek during the evening and only to acknowledge another womans birthday.....we all sing..and the birthday woman after standing up on her chair while we sang, falls off the chair ( most funny moment of the night!)

then it was time for the HOUSEWIFE CHOIR...no I AM NOT kidding..the MOST EQUAL country in the world according all statistics have a little choir put together with ONLY women and all HOUSEWIFES......unbelievable..i felt naseaus and had to look down during the performance....light cloloured ugly ass dresses ( from the tailor and luxury stores in delhi..) hairs done, make up done...spring songs from sweden... sang by swedish housewife-birds....no no no
this is not happening i think...

after that the EXPAT MEN had to hold speeches, cause that's what important FATTY, DRUNK men with IMPORTANT JOBS do at dinners where their wifes sing songs for the ivited guests of importance....

not a single man in that room had something important or interesting to say in their terrible swenglish (english spoken half in english with a swedish accent half in swedish when u dont know the english words for it).......speeches became longer and more stupid as the dinner continued & as their wifes kept singing more songs....

one song was even written by the finnish/swedes wife (! clap yr hands!) where they were making fun of being a housewife in delhi.....!!!?????

then the exciting draw from the lottery was about to happen :) i had 4 ticktes in my hand hoping for a win :)..i didnt win anything and the FATTY STUPID MEN got more STUPID!
My young, successful, beautiful colleagues Karin & Linda both won different prices and the guy who announced himself as toastmaster in the beginning of the night (and now also the one announcing the winners..) asked without reason and without anyone reacting "where is yr husband?" & "are you married?" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ( there was 1 woman involved here though...she got to hand out the price to the winners.....?)

honestly people...this is sad...stereotype, stupid, retarded and the reality STILL in 2009

statistics MY ASS.....

naaaaa we must also be the only country where these housewifes are also embarressed of being JUST housewifes though they choose to do this themselves...no one forced these swedish women to join their stupid boring fatty husbands and move to a country far far away....
the excuse you d get from anyone is: ohh yes hmmmm im here with my husband, but u know i had this great amazing job before we came out here yess......
just stand for it, njoy it and do what ever the fuck you want with yr freetime!!!??

i really dun get it..in sweden (and more countries) women can do whatever they want, brothers, fathers, cousins, or neighbours dont kill them if they decide what to do, when to do it and how to do it...

nooo people...

serious going back in time...

fat red glossy men, holding stupid speeches, without meaning, having jobs which they dont deserve probably ( sorry ) and wifes in nice ( what they think) dresses with nice ( what they think) hair n make up singing spring songs for the guests...
here at least they dont have to cook, do grocery shopping, drag bags n kids around to here n there...

no here we have servants and drivers to do all of that for you :)

ahh and how damn double faced am i not...
with amazing music and loads of that free alcohol...i just danced all that feminist anger out of me, had one of the less fatty stupid ones spin me around the dancefloor....dropped a glass on my foot, started bleeding and got a little bit more fatty, stupid and drunk....

bye bye
bitterfittan

India will never move forward...buhuuu

so i'm in the south..in a place that god forgot when making india....

have a few examples from just today of how this country will never move forward!!!!!

the hotel where we're stayin at in this place in india that god forgot have carpets in almost all their rooms..this place is HUMID, im talking HUUUUMID people so adding 1+1 makes you realize pretty quickly that moist will stay in these NASTY ASS CARPETS always and mould will eventually turn up....and a terrible smell will occur due to this...this is the 3rd time i stay in this hotel and so far all the rooms have had a nasty smell which i've always pointed out to them...

we arrive and my room stinks..STINKS...of mould...and this smell you know, when you forget laundry in the machine for toooooo loooooong n take them out n they smell..thats the bad ass smell these rooms have..

so i complain n they give me another room...ON THE SAME FLOOR 2 DOORS DOWN!???? same smell with now some added disgusting room perfume to it....cause adding that solves it OR WHAT??!!

after discussions with the hotel manager i realize nothing can be done and no way they ll ever change these carpets....or give me a more expensive room that has marbel floors...

the day passes by with rather stupid supplier meetings...where dead end discussions on design and style just gets me tired, also here i realize no can do...and i surrender...FOR TODAY oooooonly...

( btw ONLY is used in india anywhere, only...another blog for that though..indian-english ONLY)

so we get back to smelly hotel and i think maybe i can go for a swin at the rather big (and so n so clean ) pool...which turns out to be full with kids having what it turns out to be: summer break swim school ...(!)

first thought is yeah progress good great!!!!

had a india-cannot-swim-n-they-r-retarded-people moment 2 weeks ago when H&M entered a
Water Polo competition at a hotel we use for byuers etc coming to india...
water polo, in my world means water=swimming OR??? anyhow it turns out that out of 32 teams ( 7 or 8 in each ) only our team could actually swim....( or the 3 swedish people in our team could.....the 4 indians barely stayed above surface)well the winning team had a few as well who managed the deep water where you couldnt stand up....we came 2nd....due to many reasons....
the water polo day will however be explained in another blog....takes too much time right now..
conclusion from that day was that indians cannot swim, though they think they can (as most things in this country) almost drowning when catching a ball or doing the "dog swim " is to them then actually equal to swimming.
and we ( me, cissi & cissi's boyfriend ( the swedish ref to above) had a great time laughing at the whole thing that day...

but today when coming down to the pool, seeing all these funny ass swimming costumes on these fat kids, diving into the pool with their bellys first arms straight out from their sides, actually made me sad....i was soo happy at first seeing them and thinking ohhh there is hope..maybe these kids will grow up and actually be able to swim in a water polo competition one day not drowning them selves or other contestants...but no.....NO HOPE PEOPLE!!

the 2 teachers there didnt even see it, noone of the watching parents saw it!!! i was suffering...
dog swimming was only the first name to what was going down in that pool today at the smelly hotel....it was terrible....noone did any effort to actually help them to do right...and then i realize...its not because they dont care, its because they dont know them selves...the TEACHERS CANNOT SWIM EITHER!!!!!!

walking up to the teacher afterwards in frustration to see if maybe they d understand what i meant with diving into the pool with the head first, having it between yr arms would make sense...NOOOOO...no english and absolutely no nodding like AHAAA I KNOW WHAT U MEAN reaction to their faces...only numb from side to side indian nodding with their heads..

this stayy guy at the hotel explained it to me like...
Yes madam but you know, its only for saving lives and so in the water, not really swimming...
i reply:
but these kids will never be able to save their own or any one elses lives by doing this, rather the opposite mister!!??

and another guy standing next to the teacher says...
No madam no breastswim we teach them ( i suggested that instead of the crawling they thought they were doing splashing all that water around their sinking bodies ( fat bodies) no, only freestyle madam...
I reply:
but this is not freestyle, sir this is suicide and drowning style?!!

im all of a sudden all empty inside and angry cause these kids deserve to get the right education from start....

..giving up also on this and i go back to my room...

so i feel like ordering a fresh juice ( as per the menu, which also btw has the whiskey, rhum etc under wine list...where only 1 wine was added not red or white at least, no only wine...and by bottle.....indian wine, by bottle....) so i order but asking before how long this will take ( since this morning i ordered a tea that took 20 mins to get, with explanation that it took loooong to boil everything together ?!!! in india..!!! thats the only thing people DRINK, TEA!!!), the man says 10-15 mins...i say ok, pls 1 mango juice then.

10 mins ( !) the guy comes with the juice....i open and he says happily to me with 1 tooth missing in his upper front row..orange juice yes madam....i say no i ordered mango??
so i remove the little lid theyd put on the glass and smell (YES ORANGE my friends...ahahah) i say, but this is orange!?
then he says, yes mango madam...i say no this is orange, no madam mango, and i taste it...yes its orange, madam pls sign here...but its orange not mango!? ok well never mind just leave pls...

and then i decided to write this blog with my indian "mango" juice and a cigarette in my now again after the room perfume has died out SMELLY ASS ROOM!

gooood eve people...goin down to velans restaurant now for hopefully a tasty wrong order.

xo

technical problems.....

so obviously the technique isnt always aaiiighhhtttt over here...this is what my dear leen was given when opening my blog for the first time LMAO..i see it clearly but this is what she gets...
dun understand...pls blogger god, help me out here!

she's back pplsss

so basically UBER.COM dissapeared into the blue, i lost sooooo much fun stories, though some are hard to erasre from my inner vision...

like the guy ( now in plural -s) taking a shit, pointing his ass towards the passing by traffic ( me) ...or the 5 hrs sweaty first sunday ( in india ) experience in church....(u who know me...its been a while since me n church was all good) ALL IN HINDI and in 45-50 degrees celsius....covered from head to toe...with a thick (!) scarf on my jetlagged head......

there are many many stories from my now....almost 10 months in india, new delhi..best way to follow me is still on flickr.com/photos/louisewennberg, or twitter.com/louisewennberg or hmm facebook.com.....im an addict yes i am....getting better though.....some days i dont even open my laptop....

so funny last news from the superstitious india....

Calling my driver varun to cmf pick up time for friday morning...

Louise: hello
Varun: hello madam ( fuck the brits for madam, sir n ma'am...)
L: how are you?
V: ohhhh not so god madam...
L : oh no! whats wrong!? what happened??
V: no its the period now...many have same problem...its the eye...very bad, maybe not work 2morrow....
L: oh ok, but what is it? allergy?
V: maybe for the weather now....
L: Ok, well do u think you can drive still, despite this?
V: ok, yes i will , but maybe not work all day...
L: ok good, so see u tmorrow.

My dear colleague ( sucessful, modern, independent ( for being an indian woman in her 30ies) turns to me...
Colleague:what happened?
lOUISE: no varun is ill..has as i understood an eye infection...
Colleague: OH NOOOOOO, well you know, now you CANT look straight into his eyes, then you ll catch it as well!
lOUISE: OK now you re acting retarded my dear! ok maybe if he pokes himself in the eye, i touch his finger n then pokes my eye with that finger I d get it!!!
We all laugh a bit in the car but i couldnt really shake it off my mind...joke, or not? yeah must have been, this much stupidness cannot be fo real!

NEXT MORNING

V picks me up
L: how are you?
V: ohh better now, took medicine last night...
L: ohh good, yeah i see its a little bit red ( btw I wake up every day with red eyes in this country due to messed up AC, fan or just HARDCORE pollution )
V: well you know, now anyone who looks straight into my eyes, they'll catch it as well!
L: ohhh ok...are you sure??
V missunderstands and replies for something different..
V also have to leave work at 11-ish due to his illness LMAO

Ohhh another good one on weird believes in india, where everyone has something to say, add, suggest, question or just stare you out

Was terribly sunburnt last week, ( 6 hrs in the sun w/o sunscreen in the water...) and started peeling off to the point where salami gone brownish was not far from how shoulders n arms n back looked like...
V sees this in the car and looks terrified..
V: what happened!!!! OH NOOOOOOOOO
L: no nothing just burnt from the sun, so dead skin is coming off...
V: you know..
L: no??
V: you should drink milk and eat dry fruits and nuts,...that will help..
L: hmm are you sure??? this is on the skin you know...
V: yessss very good..
L ????????????????

ok...
goodnite